Cheryl Goh the inconsistent blogger

Best Christmas Presents For Those You Hate

It’s just one of those days. I feel so frustrated it’s frustrating. I hate whining. It’s a vicious circle, the more you whine, the worse you feel, which makes you whine ever more, which makes you feel even worse. Which is why I am channeling all this negative, angsty energy into something semi-positive:

A list of things to give to people you hate.

It is after all Christmas and there are bound to be people you are oblige to give presents to, even though you completely hate their guts, e.g. your boss, your in-laws, your boyfriend’s sister, etc etc.  :D. Oh, by the way, there’s a special place in HELL for people who make appointments which cause you cancel or delay plans, only to subsequently not turn up without an explanation… Now, on with the list

1. For the virginal, God-fearing, pious girl from your church who does not smoke or drink whom your parents totally adore and pray to God every night that you’ll follow her exemplementary way of life: A t-shirt she can wear to Sunday School.



2. For the gushing new parents that keep going on and on and on about how wonderfully fulfilling it is to have a child, and can’t stop asking, when is your turn, it’s about time you aren’t getting any younger, completely ignoring the fact that you are neither married nor engaged: It’s a tie between non-washable, permanent crayon/markers (I’d pick this if the mum is a compulsive cleaner**evil grin) and the loudest most repetitive toy you can possibly find. Preferably a toy which makes a noise after the kid has stopped playing with it for a while, like a fire engine which rings it’s siren after one minute of non-activity to coax the kid to play with it more.



3. For the bitter, unmarried, accountant in her late forties who runs through every detail in your monthly claims and ask questions like, “Why is your mileage claim 5.87 bucks higher than the month before?” and insists on going through each and every minute detail on your itemized cellphone bill, and who’s sole purpose in life is to share her misery: A Magic Eight Ball: The Spinster’s Edition. Answers should include the standard: Outlook not so good, Don’t count on it, Better not tell you now, to the more anal, Maybe, if you weren’t so ugly, In your next lifetime and The ship has sailed.



4. For a relative or friend you dislike from overseas: A pair of free weights for them to carry back to their home country. P.S. The heavier the better! 
   

So tell me, what would you give to someone you hate?