My teenage years were rough. At a very young age I sought happiness and comfort from my friends. They were my family, they were my life and my life was good. But at 13 my family moved states and I was wrenched from my roots and throw into an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar faces. These faces didn’t like my face because I was eligible to enter the “A” class (for the brightest students) despite being the “new girl” at school. I tried so hard to fit in and cycled between different cliques in school. Eventually I became friends with girls from another class whom today are still my dearest of friends. Life got a little better. On the surface I was invincible, a known rebel hanging out with a really cool group. On the inside, I was hollow and echoed with insecurities.

College brought about another big change. I was alone again, until I found my first serious boyfriend. I changed my degree program to be with him because I didn’t want to go to America. I loved being loved and I couldn’t bear the thought of being alone ever again. He was studying accountancy. I hated accountancy but enroll for ACCA I did. When the relationship fell apart, I changed programs again to be close to my new boyfriend. It exposed the extent of my dependence on other people. I was so afraid of being alone, that the comforts of NOW meant more than my future. Life progressively got worst. I was obese and had no identity of my own. I did whatever my boyfriend did; I played games, skipped school, drank and wasted a big part of my life. I walked away from college with a degree but very little of anything else.

I started working and got involved with a string of men and a bunch of friends I should have never gotten involved in. Somehow I still smiled for the cameras, no one knew how truly depress I was and how dependent I was on being totally wasted day in and day out to maintain my sanity.

Three years later, I look back and almost can’t relate to my own past. Life has taken such a wonderful turn I can’t even remember why I spent so many years feeling so empty. I have the greatest parents, a loving sister, a job I love, an angel for a boyfriend and a handful of precious friends.

Perhaps someone up there decided to give me a break. Perhaps the bitterness of life has made it so much sweeter. Perhaps I have grown up to accept and appreciate life’s challenges. Perhaps I am my own person, perhaps, perhaps, I am at peace with my inner demons.